


Let's Make A Porno!

by rufeepeach



Category: Community
Genre: Crack, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufeepeach/pseuds/rufeepeach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a porn director gets some inspiration from the Study Group, the group decides to watch the movie out of curiosity. It gets awkward. Fast.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Make A Porno!

"You know, this whole group dynamic, it's really working for me!" The fat, balding, middle-aged guy finally spoke, and for the first time in a while Jeff wished he actually knew what the assignment was, so he could pretend to work on it instead.  
  
"Hey, buddy, you deaf or something?" Baldy wasn't going away.  
  
"What dynamic?"  
  
"This whole will they/won't they thing," the guy was grinning, "It's hot!"  
  
Unconsciously, Jeff found himself looking at the back of Annie's head. She was two rows in front, arguing about something with Abed.  
  
"And I don't just mean you and the brunette, or her and the middle-eastern guy, or the blonde and the african-american dude. I mean all of you!" He was nearly bouncing up and down now, like a flabby bald beach ball. Jeff looked at him and saw every reason he did a hundred pull-ups every morning, and avoided carbs.  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You're in that study group, right? The ones who meet at four in the library?"  
  
"Yeah…"  
  
"I happen to specialise in… adult media. If you could get me in there for just, like, an hour, you guys'd be great inspiration."  
  
A door in Jeff's head opened, and inside waited a sea of horribly fascinating images. It was like someone had put them all in a GQ photo shoot, and stolen every scrap of clothing and modesty. And that included Pierce.  
  
Jeff shuddered deeply, and grabbed his phone off the desk, "Sorry, pal, you're on your own." He nearly sprinted out of the classroom, ignoring the bemused looks from his classmates and Duncan.  
  
And that should have been the end of it.  
  
\---  
  
"Hey, Jeff!" A voice Jeff never wanted to hear called his name, and within moments he was looking way, way down at Chang's beaming face.  
  
"What do you want, Chang?"  
  
"I have something you're gonna want to see."  
  
"You didn't tape an interview with the monkey again, did you?"  
  
"No, he's not speaking to me after-"  
  
"I don't care." Jeff kept walking, and brushed Chang aside.  
  
"You'll be sorry!" Chang didn't sound pissed off enough, but Jeff was just glad he wasn't chasing after him, so he let it go.  
  
\---  
  
"Well, hello, Jeffrey." He felt the Dean's hands on his pecs before he actually saw him - probably because Jeff's eye-line was naturally way above the Dean's head. Usually a blessing.  
  
"Hi…"  
  
"Do you want to know what I've found?"  
  
"Really, really no."  
  
The Dean looked disappointed, "But Abed was so encouraging this morning."  
  
Jeff went from annoyed to suspicious in three seconds flat, "About what?"  
  
The Dean beamed, and produced a blank DVD from out of nowhere. "What's on this disk. It's very… interesting."  
  
A horrible thought passed over what passed for Jeff's soul, but he kept his cool, "And what would that be?"  
  
"A somewhat… improved version of one of Abed's little movies."  
  
Jeff snatched the disk from the Dean's hands, and eyed it with suspicion and no small about of disgust, "Improved?"  
  
"You'll see." Well, that was a first: the Dean walked away before Jeff had a chance to scarper. Whatever was on this innocuous-looking disk had to be really bad to satisfy him.  
  
\---  
  
"Well, I think it sounds interesting!" Britta's nose was in the air, as she revelled in having a differing opinion.  
  
"It's gross! Who would watch that, anyway?" Annie's arms were folded self-consciously across her chest, as if to protect herself from the filth on the DVD.  
  
"Well, I -"  
  
"NO!" The whole group, as one, rounded on Pierce, and he dutifully shut his mouth.  
  
"When Emmanuel Hammer came to me and asked about this-"   
  
"He asked you?" Annie stared at Abed, "You knew and didn't ask us first?"  
  
"I didn't think it was a big deal: after what happened last year, when we all acknowledged each other as sexual prospects, I didn't expect you to be upset by this. It's just a movie like anything else."  
  
"Except this one's unholy and pornographic." Shirley muttered. The idea had stunned her into miserable silence, but her voice was at that low, dangerous pitch that made even Pierce shy away a little.  
  
"Oh, of course the 'unholy' comes first!" Britta shot back.  
  
"I'm sorry if I'm uncomfortable appearing in an adult film!"  
  
"Why can't you all just relax about this? There's nothing dirty or obscene about-"  
  
"Cut it out Britta, we get it, you're all liberal and hey, you've probably done this before anyway, so-" Annie snapped.  
  
"Excuse me?" Britta's eyes narrowed, and Jeff wondered how far he was from the nearest emergency exit.  
  
"Hey guys!" Jeff cut over the bickering, "You ever think maybe Abed's right?"  
  
"It's not just a movie, Jeff, it's so much worse!" Annie's eyes had gone crazy-wide, but Jeff kept his cool.  
  
"But it's just actors, pretending to resemble maybe acting a bit like us. Since when do porn stars act anyway?"  
  
"It's the principle-" Annie started, but Jeff cut her off.  
  
"Look, it's funny, isn't it? Some sleazebag shows up, thinks we're hot, and bases a porno off us. It's funny!"  
  
"I suppose…" Annie ignored how superior Britta was looking.  
  
"Look, we're the best looking people in this toilet of a school, and like it or not, someone finally noticed. So maybe this feels a little weird, or invasive, but it's still just a bunch of people we've never met acting like us! They didn't tape us showering and splice it together, they wrote some bad dialogue and added some grunting and skin, that's all, and if we can't find that funny then there's something wrong with us."  
  
"I suppose it would be interesting to see an outsider's perspective on us…" Annie still looked a little doubtful, Shirley was clutching her handbag, and Britta looked way too smug.  
  
"I've seen it, it's not half bad. It's not one of my movies, but still." Abed shrugged.  
  
"Wait, you've watched it and didn't tell me?" Troy shot a hurt look at his best friend.  
  
"I only found out this morning: I didn't know Hammer would go through with it. That's why I missed Anthropology."  
  
"Well, now I have to see it!"  
  
"Me too!" Britta was this-close to raising her hand, when she thought better of it.  
  
"I guess I do too." Annie's arms stayed locked in place over her chest.  
  
"Well I'm definitely in." Jeff lounged in his chair, the picture of cool.  
  
"How about you, Shirley?" Abed cocked his head on one side and eyed her, "You can't miss this."  
  
Shirley just shook her head, and rocked back and forth a little.  
  
"Cool. We can watch in my dorm, tonight. Everyone cool with that?"  
  
A few nods, and Pierce's creepiest smile, and the date was set.  
  
\---  
  
Abed pressed play on the remote, and settled back on the couch. Troy was to his left, Jeff to his right, with Shirley and Pierce in armchairs on either side. Annie and Britta slouched on the floor, sharing  a bowl of popcorn.  
  
 _"Hey guys, ready to study?"_ A tall muscled guy walked on screen, and Jeff found himself evaluating his double. The douche had less hair and a bigger nose.  
  
There was a group shot of a set of people vaguely resembling the study group, all sat in a circle, no table in sight. No books, either.  
  
A blonde - not-Britta - chewed a pencil. She had the shortest leather mini-skirt and halter top Jeff had ever seen barely covering her form. Her boobs were unnaturally large too, and Britta glanced down almost unconsciously, a little dismayed. The double was giving not-Jeff the eye, _"What're we studying today?"_  
  
"How to not overdose on steroids?" Troy laughed, and the others joined in.  
  
"Jeez," Britta groaned, "How much plastic does she have in her chest? She could jump off the Empire State building and bounce right back up again!" Abed gave her a high-five, and everyone relaxed a little.  
  
 _"It's the study of man."_ Not-Jeff was giving her the eye back.  
  
Annie squeaked, when her own double got a close up. Her boobs were even bigger than not-Britta's, and she had the default slutty-schoolgirl look, complete with tight white shirt, plaid skirt and knee-socks. She even had pigtails. _"But we studied that yesterday. All of us."_  
  
"Okay, in no school is that regulation uniform." Annie objected.  
  
"I'd vote it in." Troy muttered, and Jeff fist-bumped him. Then felt Annie smack his shin, the only part she could easily reach.  
  
 _"And what did you learn?"_ Not-Jeff took a seat right next to her, and was leering down her shirt.  
  
 _"I'm very slow in class, I can't remember a thing."_  
  
"Ugh!" Annie threw her hands up, "Now that's just insulting! Abed, are you sure he was studying us?"  
  
"I'm guessing the schoolgirl archetype was more important than real characterisation." Abed replied, as his own double, a slim but still well-muscled guy, came on screen. He already had a hand running up not-Annie's skirt. Not-Annie started making some very appreciative noises, and suddenly Annie was very, very uncomfortable.  
  
"She's faking it." Britta announced, flatly.  
  
"Well, yeah, she's an actress." Jeff snarked back.  
  
"Even so - no guy could get a girl that ready, that fast."  
  
Jeff looked a little wounded, but said nothing.  
  
 _"Let me teach you again, then…"_ Not-Abed and not-Jeff both started running their hands all over not-Annie, who leaned back in the chair, neck arched, and moaned.  
  
"Ahhh…" Jeff tried to say something, anything, to break the tension. Nothing came out.  
  
The scene cut to not-Britta, who was now straddling not-Troy, bumping and grinding away. Her top was already on the floor, boobs in full view, pressed in not-Troy's face.  
  
"He could suffocate." Britta deadpanned, "That's really not health-and-safety."  
  
"Their insurance costs must be pretty high." Abed agreed, taking a handful of popcorn.  
  
"Well, I haven't seen anything of myself yet, thank the-" Shirley broke off with a scream. Not-Pierce had her bent over the back of a chair, really going at it. "Oh dear God in Heaven!" She covered her eyes with her hands, and rocked back and forth.  
  
"Wow, this movie is accurate!" Pierce chortled, and helped himself to more corn.   
  
"All I can hear is screaming in my brain!" Troy copied Shirley, covering his eyes and starting to cry hysterically.  
  
"What am I doing?!" the scene was back to not-Britta and not-Troy, with not-Britta on her knees, then she turned to Troy "And thanks for the support, by the way!"  
  
"I can see Pierce and Shirley behind my eyelids!" Troy whimpered, "There's nothing else!"  
  
"What about me?!" Annie was watching through her fingers, curiosity warring with trauma. Jeff already had his phone out and was sneaking glances.   
  
"At least you're not demeaning yourself!"  
  
There was an uneasy silence, filled with the noises from the TV as their doubles all gathered toward the middle of their circle in one huge, fleshy mess, and every member of the study group started to feel ill. Except Abed, who was wondering why it was only Annie who had any difference in clothing - except there being less of it.  
  
Jeff's cool finally broke when a bald, bespectacled man entered the room, and the not-Dean said "This is against college rules: prepare to be punished!" and, ripping his clothes, jumped on not-Jeff, who greeted him enthusiastically.   
  
Shirley left when not-Chang jumped in off the top of a bookcase, and created a Chang/Troy/Shirley three-way.  
  
Annie and Troy were both covering their eyes, while Britta tried so hard to look unaffected and cool. Abed just ate popcorn, and appreciated how dead-on Chang's entrance had been.  
  
Pierce had started filming it on his phone from about five minutes in, and chuckled occasionally.  
  
\---  
  
It was three weeks before anyone could make eye-contact again.


End file.
